The Arrival

Thursday, August 22, 2019 | jeudi, le 22 août, 2019

00:38 PST; 5 days until departure.

I’d hate for this blog to turn into a diary, but I think it’d be nice to record my thoughts right now, so that’s what this is about.

It hasn’t completely hit me that I won’t be in the United States at this time next week. My life will abruptly change in about five days. Rotary discourages me from using this word but, man, this is weird.

All my friends got their school schedules today. Huh. I won’t have any classes with them. I won’t complain about the APUSH homework with them. I won’t eat lunch with them.

Too often, I find myself thinking “Wow, that’s the last time you’ll bike down that street for awhile.” “Huh, this is my last Tuesday in America for awhile.” “That’s the last time I’ll see my friend for awhile.” I’m trying to remedy my unhelpful thoughts with “Don’t worry, you’ll come back.” It doesn’t help much. I still feel a bit sad.

Another thing– all the other wonderful people in my outbound exchange cohort are in their host country already and when the last one left, I still had a full week to go. I thought I’d lost the Waiting Game but currently, in the Waiting to Depart Game, I’m the clear winner. I should get a trophy for wallowing in my airport anxiety and attempting to pack and clean my room.

I’m not sure if I want my departure day to come quicker or if I want time to freeze for a bit. I don’t feel ready to go. What small, very significant thing will I forget to pack? How will I navigate the airport without having a panic attack?

It might be good that I’m not ready. Or that I know that I feel unprepared. I like to remind myself that however it turns out, it will all be okay.

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17:21 PST

Same day, several hours later. I have this nice countdown app that lets me know exactly how much time I have left here. It doesn’t help much, it just stresses me out.

Today I’ve been feeling extremely floaty. That’s the word I’m using to describe the sensation of not recognizing how fast time is passing and not registering that fact that I will be gone in a few days. Floaty. It’s a good word.

I’m almost finished with packing and I feel like I keep adding more stuff to my suitcases. Yesterday they weighed 40 lbs, but today? Who knows? I’m too tired to pick them up to weigh them.

I was just made aware that it is in fact Thursday, not Wednesday. This proves my point about floaty. I need more sleep.

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Saturday, August 24, 2019 | samedi, le 24 août, 2019

00:22 PST; 3 days until departure.

A few minutes ago I saw my cat and basically started sobbing. In part, this happened because I am exhausted, but mainly it was because I’ll miss him.

I feel bad that I’m not jumping out of my skin with excitement every time I think about exchange. It’s not that I’m not thrilled to do this it’s just that sometimes I get really sad. Like when I see my cat. I’m going to miss him a lot. Same with my dog, the two of them make me happy.

Today is my last normal day in the United States for a long time. Tomorrow our exchange student from Bolivia comes (yay!) and the next day I’m gone.

I finished packing my bags yesterday and everything is feeling a bit too final. Even though its not truly final, because I’ll be back here within a year.

I will miss a lot of things. The world map on my wall. The trees in front of my home. The bike ride to school. The parks. The people. If I go on I will cry again. I feel too much right now.

This year is going to be really difficult. Sometimes I think that this is a really bad idea and that I should just give up. But when we follow through on our bad ideas, those are the things we grow from, right? Those are the things that are worth doing, right?

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11:51 PST

I woke up today and felt better. The same emotions are still all there, but I feel like I can tackle them. I feel… clear-headed. Like I can see what is ahead of me and still continue to move forward. Everything will be okay and I won’t crash and burn. It feels a little easier to breathe now.

This whole exchange feels very real right now. Not in the “Oh shoot, what the heck” way, but rather the “Oh, okay, that’s what this is” way.

Yeah. I’ll be okay.

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Monday, August 26 2019 | lundi, le 26 août, 2019

05:06 PST; 11 hours until departure.

On the road to the airport. It’s only an hour and a half away, but my sister has a morning flight to Boston today. Today is a day of farewells. Or “see you laters.” I am very tired, but I can’t sleep.

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15:11 PST

Nine minutes until departure. The captain just made a speech entirely in French! This is so real!

I’m sitting next to a nice elderly couple who have been to my host city before! They hyped me up a lot, not that I needed them to. I’m bursting with excitement!

It’s crazy that this is happening. I’ve been gearing up for this for nearly two years and it always felt so far away. But here it is! Earlier I wrote that I was a bit sad and felt unprepared. There is none of that now. I am as ready as I’ll ever be, no point in turning back now.

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Monday, September 2, 2019 | lundi, le 2 septembre, 2019

13:38 GMT +2; six days after arrival.

An overdue update. I intended on publishing this soon after my arrival in Toulouse, but j’ai oublié. Je suis désolée.

When I arrived in Paris I went through security and customs/immigration. Everything was fine except for the fact that it was so hot and so humid in the airport. I’m very glad that that time between my flights was less than two hours long. More, and I would’ve melted.

My second flight was to Toulouse. It’a a short one which was really nice. At this point I was not the biggest fan of planes. They’re too loud and uncomfortable.

Got to TLS and found my luggage. And then I walked through the entrance for arrivals and saw my host family waiting for me.

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There is more to tell, but I will leave you with this for now!

À bientôt !